Dark Days

My current contract expires in 1 month. The product we spent 3 months building turned out to be a flop. I learned a ton of new skills, mostly design and frontend development skills, so it hasn’t been a total waste. I also got to spend time in New York, getting everything paid for.

But now I’m a little depressed. Not because I’m “losing my job”, but because I don’t really know what I want to do next.

I considered trading in a car and getting a van and traveling around, living in the van and hiking/climbing. This is a big maybe.

I deleted all my social media and my 4G cellphone plan in favor of having a throwaway phone.

I feel like I’m shedding all this baggage I’ve had in my life. Every month I shed more of it. But I have yet to find something to replace it with.

I feel most at peace when I’m walking/hiking/climbing/traveling. So I suppose I will do that until I figure out next steps. Currently, I’m spending 4-5 hours a day in central park, just walking around and climbing boulders (barefoot.) It soothes the soul.

I’m going to take a break from coding. I think being a coder is one of my biggest roadblocks to uncovering the purpose of my life, because I always feel pressured to join a new project. It’s time to start something different. Do some manual labor. Get some fresh air. Be a ski lift operator.