My current contract expires in 1 month. The product we spent 3 months building turned out to be a flop. I learned a ton of new skills, mostly design and frontend development skills, so it hasn’t been a total waste. I also got to spend time in New York, getting everything paid for.
But now I’m a little depressed. Not because I’m “losing my job”, but because I don’t really know what I want to do next.
I considered trading in a car and getting a van and traveling around, living in the van and hiking/climbing. This is a big maybe.
I deleted all my social media and my 4G cellphone plan in favor of having a throwaway phone.
I feel like I’m shedding all this baggage I’ve had in my life. Every month I shed more of it. But I have yet to find something to replace it with.
I feel most at peace when I’m walking/hiking/climbing/traveling. So I suppose I will do that until I figure out next steps. Currently, I’m spending 4-5 hours a day in central park, just walking around and climbing boulders (barefoot.) It soothes the soul.
I’m going to take a break from coding. I think being a coder is one of my biggest roadblocks to uncovering the purpose of my life, because I always feel pressured to join a new project. It’s time to start something different. Do some manual labor. Get some fresh air. Be a ski lift operator.
Minimalism is forcing me to be spiritual.
I’ve been in NYC for about two months, living out of Airbnb’s with nothing but my 40 liter bag.
- Learning Wim Hof technique
- Meditate every morning
- Go to bed at 10
- Wake up at 6
- Walk 15+ miles on the weekend
- Workout 3 days a week
- Eat right
- Working a 9 to 5 job
- Working a side job
- Doing more work on the side
Living with no possessions except what I truly need has helped me see through my own psychology. It has improved me. Here’s how:
- I “felt that I wanted to settle down”. But I realized that nowhere I settle down will satisfy my wanderlust, and that I am a crazy person for even thinking it would.
- I missed nostalgic activities such as video gaming. But I realized it is just nostalgia. Just nostalgia.
- I felt tired. So I slept.
- I felt stressed. So I went for a walk.
- I gave up.
I have no possessions to fall back into. No escape from reality. I am stuck here.
The only thing I can do when I feel bad is work on my self. My person. My body. My Mind. This is all I have now.
Why do I feel bad? Fix it.
Thoughts of “I want this” and “I want that” come over me. They are fake solutions. I have what I have. My material life is complete. There is nothing to wish for. Not more money. Not more freedom. Only a better mind.
Which is fucking scary.
So it led me to the spiritual path. “How can I diminish my wants, since I know they are boundless and idiotic?”
aaaaand here I am.